Zwierzalnia – June 12, 2020

Life can be crazy sometimes. It’s a common fact of life. We may not know a lot of things as we venture into the world that is our future, but one thing’s for certain. Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. Some are borderline embarrassing, while others are straight up hilarious. Share with us your crazy/funny stories! We know you want to!

New stories will be published on Fridays.


DON’T TALK CRAP

As an adult, I no longer tolerate it when somebody is talking behind some else’s back. Why you may ask? Because I learned it the hard way when I was a teenager. When I was fifteen I had a crush on two boys. I know, super scandalous! What can I say? I was a rebel. Anyway, one of the guys I liked asked me out on a date, so obviously as you can expect I was really excited. The date went really well, but when he finally got enough courage to kiss me it all pretty much went downhill. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but imagine the worst kiss imaginable. That was my kiss with that guy. When we said our goodbyes I immediately went to my room and reached for my phone to text the other guy I had a crush on to tell him about the date. I guess I wanted him to feel a little bit jealous that I went out with someone. Besides, I already gave up on that other guy entirely after I experienced his kissing skills first-hand. So I went into full detail, telling him how bad this guy was at kissing and how I will never repress it from my memory.  Then I realized all too late that I texted the guy who I went out on the date with. I was absolutely mortified. His only response was: “Wow, really? So nice to know how you really feel about me.” When we saw each other at school after that incident, he totally ignored me, which I can’t really blame him for. So remember kids: don’t talk crap.


HEJ, SOKOŁY!

Kiedy byłem jeszcze w podstawówce wyjechaliśmy z całą klasą na wycieczkę szkolną. W naszej klasie było dużo dzieci więc autokar był pełny, a o spokoju nauczycielka mogła sobie tylko pomarzyć. Każdy się przekrzykiwał albo głośno rozmawiał. W końcu wpadła na pomysł że zamiast głośnego rozmawiania będziemy śpiewać, bo biedna pomyślała sobie że może w końcu się zmęczymy. Myliła się. Wszystkie znane nam piosenki były zaśpiewane. “Hej, sokoły!” to dopiero był klasyk! Nauczycielce akurat ta piosenka się podobała więc nie miała żadnych zastrzeżeń, ale kiedy usłyszała że zmieniliśmy tekst w niektórych wersach to od razu zakazała śpiewania. Podobno “Dzwoń, dzwoń po karetkę, bo dyrektor wypił setkę!” było bardzo ‘niestosowne’.

SARCASM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

When I was thirteen years old, my cousin stayed over at my house, so we decided to have a little sleepover. We ate some snacks, watched cheesy chick-flicks, talked about boys and went to bed. I remember clearly that it was a cold night so we tried to stay as warm as possible. In the middle of the night I had to go to the bathroom and I was in such a rush that I didn’t put my slippers on. When I returned I quickly got into the bed and pulled covers all over myself. My feet were really cold and my teeth were chattering, because as I previously said, I stupidly went to the bathroom barefoot. I tried to fall asleep, but it was very difficult because I was still cold. Then suddenly, I had an idea. I sneakily placed my feet under my cousin’s covers because I assumed that having two covers covering my feet would warm me up quicker. Unfortunately, almost immediately she felt my cold feet underneath her covers so she mumbled half asleep; “My goodness. Why are your feet so cold?”. I guess I thought a little sarcasm wouldn’t hurt so I replied: “When I was alive they were still warm.” This one sentence made her jump out of my bed in a lightning speed. Her screams were so loud that she woke up my mom and dad, who almost immediately rushed into my room because they were convinced that there was a burglar or something awful had happened to us. As you can probably guess neither them nor my cousin were amused when I explained the situation to them. Fortunately, when we finally had breakfast in the morning and we were no longer tired and grumpy, we admitted that this silly little story had a slight whiff of humor to it.