Zwierzalnia – July 24, 2020

Life can be crazy sometimes. It’s a common fact of life. We may not know a lot of things as we venture into the world that is our future, but one thing’s for certain. Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. Some are borderline embarrassing, while others are straight up hilarious. Share with us your crazy/funny stories! We know you want to!

New stories will be published on Fridays.


SAMARA MORGAN 2.0

Kilka lat temu jak jeszcze chodziłam do liceum zostałam u mojej przyjaciółki na noc, bo musiałyśmy razem zakuwać do egzaminu który miał się niedługo odbyć w naszej szkole. Kiedy odczuliśmy pierwsze oznaki zmęczenia w końcu położyliśmy się spać na jej gigantycznym łóżku. Spało mi się bardzo dobrze ale traf tak chciał że musiałam się obudzić w środku nocy. Jak każda osoba która budzi się o takiej porze byłam bardzo zdezorientowana. Totalnie zapomniałam że nocowałam u mojej przyjaciółki. Nadal wielce zaspana, chciałam odgarnąć moje włosy ale ku mojej zgrozie poczułam że moja dłoń na której się opierałam trzymała coś delikatnie w garści. Zmrużyłam oczy aby móc lepiej zobaczyć co to jest w ciemności i okazało się że był to długi pukiel ciemnych włosów mojej kumpeli która spała obok mnie. Tak jak już wcześniej wspomniałam, kompletnie zapomniałam że spałam u koleżanki więc kiedy zobaczyłam jej długie włosy, które wystawały spod kołdry, zaczęłam się wydzierać na całe mieszkanie bo przez chwilę pomyślałam że była Samarą Morgan ze słynnego horroru “Krąg”. Chyba nie muszę dodawać że przyjaciółka nie była zadowolona z takiej pobudki.



WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

One time I was running late for my job interview. To this day I still remember how awful the traffic was. When the light finally turned green, out of nowhere, a random car sped past me, which almost caused my own car to crash. I yelled after the driver “Watch it ahole!” Classy. I know. That’s not all though. When I managed to pass him I flipped the bloke off. I’m not really the type of guy to do something like that, but I was pissed off that day. When I finally arrived at my destination I let out a huge sigh of relief because apparently due to the traffic the interviewer also showed up late so he had no idea that I didn’t arrive on time either. I was beaming on the inside for a couple of minutes but to my utter horror when the interviewer showed up to greet me I, metaphorically speaking, shat my pants. Yup, you guessed it. The guy who I flipped off and called an ahole was my interviewer. I tried to play it off that I didn’t know him, but I could tell by looking into his eyes that he recognized me. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.



FLU SHOT CONSPIRACY

When I was twelve I got my first period, but believe it or not I had no idea what a period was. My mom never talked to me about it and no one in my school really discussed it so I had no way of knowing about it. Which is kind of crazy because I went to an all-girls school, so you would typically expect this kind of conversation to come up one way or another. But nope. Then, one day we were given flu shots at my school. My classmates were always coming up with random conspiracies and on that day the rumour was going around school that the flu shots were brand new and we were the first trial guinea pigs to see if there are any side effects (obviously the worst side effect resulting in sudden death). I didn’t think too much of it, because as I said my classmates were always coming up with ridiculous theories like that. When I got my flu shot I went about my day. Nothing crazy happened. Eventually in my fourth period (hehe get it) I excused myself to the toilet and I almost passed out when I saw what you expect one to see when they’re on their period. Suddenly I remembered the rumour about the flu shots, so I started freaking out and cried my eyes out in the bathroom for about 10 minutes. Suddenly a classmate of mine came into the bathroom and knocked on the cubicle door that I occupied because the teacher wondered why I was taking so long. She eventually heard me sobbing and immediately ran back to the classroom to bring the teacher. When my teacher arrived she asked me what was going on I didn’t say anything for a while. Just continued crying some more. Eventually she asked me to open the door so that we could talk properly, but then I let it all out screaming at the top of my lungs: “I’M GOING TO DIE! THE FLU SHOTS ARE DANGEROUS! I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!” As you can imagine this caused quite a commotion and a lot of students started lining up outside the bathroom to see what was going on, completely disregarding the fact that they had classes. When I explained to the teacher what was going on in a much clearer detail, she finally understood what was going on. She reassured me that I would be fine, that it’s totally normal for a girl my age and she quickly went outside, shooed all the kids away and called my mom. While I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from school, my teacher explained everything to me. I was dumbfounded but very relieved that I wasn’t going to die. On my way home my mom was crying her eyes out in the car, while I was sat in the passanger seat very much embarassed. But hey, at least my mom found this entire thing hilarious!